Monday, November 3, 2014

Delicious Ambiguity

Some mornings, it is just so hard to get out of bed...especially when you live with such uncertainty. Honestly, we all live uncertain lives, but until something comes along and smacks you in the face (like cancer), you believe it's possible that you'll live forever. You plan and plan and plan...your entire life away and you truly believe everything will be okay. Your father wasn't there for all your special moments growing up, but your husband sure will be. You'll graduate college, chase your dreams, settle down, and if you're really lucky...have a beautiful, healthy family. 

But when uncertainty creeps in...there is no plan to hide behind. This morning, news feeds and reports of Brittany Maynard fill my screen and my mind. I won't tell you how I personally feel about the decision, only that it breaks my heart. The uncertainty that ended her life is not fair. The uncertainty that we face every day is not fair. I want to us to know we have plenty of time to have children together and grow old, but this is something I cannot know. I just have to stop and be okay with where we are now. Thankful for where we are now and put all thoughts of the future away. Far, far away. 

This month is Lung Cancer Awareness Month. Each day on Facebook I am posting the story of a LC survivor, caretaker, or advocate. These people are so dear to me. I love them and I want to see them grow healthy and happy with long, fulfilled lives. I want to remove the uncertainty from their life and ours. I can't. But I can advocate. I can ask my friends to share and possibly donate. And I won't quit.

If you haven't already, please JOIN the fight here:

In other news, our dear sweet friends Ben and Paige Smallbone just moved from Serenbe and we miss them so much. They have become like family to us over the past few months and Paige is such a dear friend who doesn't shy away from talking about the hard stuff with me. Their entire family is filled with talented people. Through Paige, I got to know Ben's brother Luke, who is part of the group For King & Country. About a year ago, he received a devastating diagnosis. I'm happy to report he is doing well! He recently penned a beautiful song with his wife, Courtney, that details the hopes and fears that come along with uncertainty. Ben shot the music video and is also the cinematographer on our short film, Nirvana. The song and video are beautiful. I know others who read this blog will be able to relate. 

There is no resolution to uncertainty. And sometimes there is just no resolution to the Monday morning blues...or the mean reds as Holly Golightly would call them. But I'll just remind myself and others to take a deep breath, give someone you love a hug, let your dog kiss you on the mouth, and pat yourself on the back. We're all doing the best we can. 

Rest in Peace Brittany Maynard.

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