Monday, January 26, 2015

Savannah Anniversary

One year ago, on January 25, 2014, a community of people we love + complete strangers came together to give us the most beautiful wedding a girl could dream of. I married the man I love. The man I walk through life with. The man who stands by my side in the good and in the not so good. I will never, for as long as I live, be able to thank the individuals enough who so graciously donated their time, money, and energy to create the most special wedding for us. The past year has been rocky, at times, but oh so wonderful. Our love, along with yours, has seen us through. We traveled to Savannah, GA, the city where we met, to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary.

I knew I wanted to live in Savannah long before I knew about SCAD. I remember telling Mary Anne and Trey Davis I was going to live there while at lunch in 7th grade. I've always been drawn there. Just the name gives me warmth. I think soulmates can come in many forms and Savannah is definitely one of mine.

We visited our favorite spots in town and realized how much we miss this sleepy little town full of beautiful history, including the story of our love. Since our time here, we have grown and changed, but we took comfort in how little this beautiful city has changed. It was just as we remembered it. Lovely.


The sun shone so bright all day, making it sometimes hard to take pictures. We didn't complain though, but relished in the sunlight. Here's Jon standing next to the boat on River Street. My first year, I stupidly went out for St. Patty's Day. When my group found ourselves on River St, I felt as though we were in the midst of the Apocalypse. It was a drunken mess. I called my Jon to come rescue me. He ran all the way from our dorms. My group had abandoned me and I was being pursued by a Hispanic man and his friend when I saw (as my memory may incorrectly serve) Jon leap over this boat, clearing it, to save me and take me back to our dorm. 


Harper loved every minute of it! Here she is looking out over Moon River. Some of you who know her won't believe this, but she was so good! We walked all over Savannah with her and she was well behaved and didn't bark. She was amused by everything! We even completed our day with lunch at Leopold's, where she ate a turkey sandwich and a (free!) doggy sundae! Savannah is very dog friendly! If you haven't already, take your pooch and see for yourself! 


The place we met. Jon and his friends knocked on this door. Next to Orleans Square and within sight of Flannery O'Connor's childhood home. Where it all began. 


Anniversary coffee and smoothie at THE BEAN next to Brighter Day and Forsyth Park! Watching people, dogs, SCAD students/misfits, and babies walk by. Listening to church music played in the Park and artists discuss their latest projects. Watching a man dance with one hand raised and the other holding a bag of Cheetos. Perfect way to start your morning! 


Anniversary selfie on the River. A sweet woman with no teeth (and proud of it bc "vanity is a sin") made friends with Harper and made us a special anniversary bouquet of Savannah Roses that look something like this: 




Forsyth Park! Right across from where we stayed! 


Our beautiful AirBnB accommodations! Thank you Natasha! I cannot help but wonder about this beautiful home's history...

 A girl and her dog on Moon River. 

 My hubby! 

SCAD has changed a lot since we were there, but our old stomping grounds of Boundary are the same. Good times here! 

Harper, the STAR!

 Filming location on this front porch for our first project together, Cantus for Irene Barlow.

I know what we'd be doing for Jon's b-day if we lived in Savannah...


Had this made at the Market on River Street. Will have to find the perfect pic. A wonderful keepsake!

Thanks to everyone who sent us messages and wished us a Happy Anniversary! It was truly special and a memory for all time. To those of you who shared this date with us one year ago, thank you for your love and kindness. You are always in our hearts. 

On the way home, I couldn't help but wonder: What's Next? We've come so far...further than I thought possible at times. I'm scared of the future, but I'm also very hopeful. Love can sustain us through difficult times. No matter what we face in this life.

We ended our night by dancing to our "first dance" song by The Mosleys and eating the top tier of our beautiful Blooming Flour Bakery wedding cake, as is tradition. It was delicious and just as I remember it one year ago! Thank you to Jennifer at Storybook Wedding ConsultingJessica Ashely Photography, Amber at Paisley Salon, Jamie and Tra at Vinewood PlantationThe Funky Shack Art StudioRusticus Wedding Films, and so so so many others for the greatest gift of love. Thank you!

One thing I know for certain: Every day is a gift. Make it count. 

Love, 
Robyn

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Many thanks, my script, and Savannah

I wanted to write a quick note to let everyone know how thankful we are for the prayers and love. They mean so very much to us. We got good results today and will continue to maintain these good results for as long as we can. A good check up is promising and provides hope for our future. 

Jon and I held hands tight as we left the hospital and we couldn't help but smile. However, those smiles quickly faded as we walked past other patients who were clearly struggling and in places not so happy. We must always remind ourselves how fortunate we are and count our blessings each and every day. Please pray for those who are suffering in this world. It's very easy to get lost in our own path - but the most important emotions we can feel on this earth are empathy and love for all God's creatures. 

Our ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY is just days away! For all those who were there, or helped make it happen, thank you for sharing this special day with us! To be honest, I was the happiest bride ever, but I was also very, very scared. I didn't know if Jon would be here with me to celebrate this day. I feared he might not be. I seriously had nightmares of me eating that delicious top tier of the wedding cake by myself. He is here, feeling well, with a good check-up to boot, so as soon as this week is over, we will return to the loveliest city on earth. The one that brought us together. 





And just for fun, here's an excerpt from a script I'm currently writing. Harper is basically me (not my dog, despite the name!). Grace is Harper's dog. Check out this little clip I wrote 3 years ago. The overall idea and small scenes have been inside me for over 5 years now, but I am finally sitting down and writing it as a feature for class. I hope to share more soon and I would love for this to be the first feature film I direct.



INT. HARPER’S BED - LATER

Grace wakes up yelping from a bad dream. Lifting up in bed, Harper calms her down, petting her. 

HARPER
Shhh. It’s okay. Do you want 
me to tell you a story? 

Grace paws and wimpers. 

HARPER (CONT’D)
Ok, okay. Um. Once upon a time, 
in a land that was not too far from here, 
there was this old Indian woman. She was 
older than any creek and older than any spring. 
She was so old that she had these 
fingernails that curved and wrapped 
around, like this, you know? 

Grace looks up at Harper, as though to answer.

HARPER (CONT’D)
And one day, the old lady, she began to cry. 
A little Indian girl came up and asked, 
“Why are you crying so?” And the woman 
leaned in down real close and answered, 
“Because I know I have to leave.” The little girl 
asked, “Where are you going?” And the 
Indian woman broke off each one of her 
fingernails, SNAP, SNAP, SNAP, and handed them 
to the girl. And then she looked up, out 
over the land and pointed with bleeding 
fingers to the littlest patch of white 
light that rests just above the horizon 
and she said, “Right there.”

Harper’s phone buzzes with a text message. Harper ignores.

HARPER (CONT’D)
If something happens to you, then 
I’m going to go ahead and bury myself 
too. Is that okay? 

Love, 
Robyn

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Prayers

We have had a very long break from the world of doctor appointments and the frustrating anxiety that comes along with it. As we've expressed, Jon and I were blessed with a wonderful holiday season filled with family and love. Tomorrow, we step back into the world of cancer and scans as we go in for a brain MRI. If you could, I ask that all of our close friends and family join us in a prayer for calm nerves and, most of all, good results. We are so blessed to share our love together and have an amazing group of supportive friends, family, neighbors, and fellow cancer fighters by our side. I pray the happiness and peace we have had over the past month continues. And I pray the same for all those in our shoes.

Thank you.

Love,
Robyn and Jon

Sunday, January 11, 2015

With Gratitude, The Leaf Falls Upon Broken Ground


Here's a song to listen to while you read...





I am of the belief that we are all artists. The moment we rise and greet the morning sun, we all create. We hug our children, and in them, we create a feeling of being loved. And they create in us the overwhelming feeling of what it is to love so greatly and to give so much of ourselves while asking for nothing in return. I do not have children, may never have children, but my heart keeps telling me to try. In the meantime, I give all of myself to Robyn and I am grateful. To quote William H. Macy from one of my favorite movies, “I have a lot of love to give.”

Last year, during the snow that hit Georgia, I had a wonderful experience. I was alone in our old apartment, looking out the big windows in our living room. The view overlooked a barren collection of trees. On the ground, where the snow had not fully covered the earth, was a pile of dead leaves. I watched the trees. Saw the wind jostle the branches. And I found a single leaf, still holding on. That leaf soon fell. Its descent was assured, but nonetheless graceful and beautiful. I saw that leaf fall into the pile of its brethren. And while that leaf was one among many, I could still tell you which leaf had lasted for so long in the cold. That leaf was a fighter, but it still had to fall. So runs our world away. And, in time, I lost track of that leaf. It had become lost amongst its family. In that, I saw the beauty of life and I felt good about my mortality. I embraced it, grateful for my time and feeling more than okay with the notion of returning to this earth. This is how I wish to be remembered and how I wish to leave this plane of existence. I do not plan to vacate my presence on this planet anytime soon. Like that leaf, I will fight against the cold wind. I will love the warmth of the sun on my back, and the heavy rain cascading off my face, and the soft kiss on my cheek from my beyond words beautiful wife.



When I was fifteen, I decided that I wanted to have what is known as a Green Funeral. No chemicals are put into the body. You are wrapped in a cloth and buried underneath either an existing tree or where a tree will soon flourish. Your body feeds that tree, and in time, you become a tree and you provide shade for all those you love.  I wanted this when I was fifteen, and I still want this.

I know it must sound morose for a fifteen year old to be contemplating how and why he exists, but you must understand. I do not feel that death is something to be kept in the closet and forgotten. I believe we should embrace our mortality and see death for what it is: a returning of ourselves to the source. This comfort can be found in religion, but I wasn’t religious when I was in high school. I was poetic, and I found this to be my truth then, and it is so much a part of my being now as I’ve found myself becoming more and more spiritual.

None of us are immune to the follies of this life. And we shouldn’t be. All we need to be is grateful. Grateful for the love, the stupidity, the embarrassment, the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the dirt that gets under our fingernails and will not come out, the stomach aches, the moments we succeed, the moments we fail, the compliments, the insults, the constant beating of our heart that acts like our own personal rhythm section, cheering us on and pushing us forward. This gratitude makes us a part of this life, giving us a source of hope that we cannot see, but can feel in every part of our being.

Here now is a new teaser trailer for NIRVANA: A SHORT FILM ABOUT CANCER




I will leave you now with another song. And we will all go about our lives. And there will be tears and there will be anger… but, most of all, there will be love.





Create.

-       Jon

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Favorite 14 of 2014


The photo of Siskel and Ebert was a major influence on "Picture Show."

Now, on with the countdown!

Robyn's Top 10 + 4 Shows


10. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

I am married to a comic book geek and I love it! He has opened my eyes to the beauty and complexities that lie within the Marvel universe. 'Guardians' was fun! And funny! With an amazing soundtrack. It is also reflective upon many aspects of life, love, loss, and saving the galaxy. Chris Pratt is also a beautiful human man that I like to look at, so that doesn't hurt. Actually, I'm going to go watch this movie now for fun. Oh, and I am Groot. I think we all are.

9. AFTERNOON DELIGHT

I love Kathryn Hahn. She is wickedly funny, but also emotionally tender. She gives a desperately beautiful performance in this film, written and directed by (a ROCKSTAR female filmmaker among many that are on this list) Jill Soloway. Soloway is another personal hero of mine. I aspire to be a filmmaker of her degree. Another brilliant film filled with complicated, real life human beings. A great character driven portrait of modern day America. Soloway is also the creator of my favorite television show (maybe ever,) 'Transparent.' To me, it is perfect...every moment is so well crafted and I want to be a part of it. I aspire to create a TV show like this one day. It breaks my heart and fills my spirit. I highly recommend

8. BOYHOOD

The film wasn't what I originally thought it would be. I went in a little naive and thought I'd be taken for a fun journey through one life. I was astonished at the depth in the filmmaking and performances, but was mostly shocked by the impact of seeing life over 12 years and the effect it had on me. I left, after watching the final scene, feeling profoundly reflective and melancholy. I cannot wait to screen it again. Patricia Arquette deserves the Best Supporting Actress award for her performance. It is now out on DVD, so please see Linklater's most important film to date.

7. BIRDMAN

Incredible filmmaking and Michael Keaton is a rockstar. For me, the film actually plays out like a really awesome grunge rock album. It made me want to stand up and shout, "HELL YEAH." It's bold and complicated and I loved every minute of what seemed to be one long take. Inspiration levels are off the chart. I must mention Edward Norton's performance - I mean 'WOW' - but Emma Stone really blew me away. She is a profound artist and her eyes are piercing. If you haven't already and you're a little weird and a bit off beat, see this film!

6. OBVIOUS CHILD

Jenny Slate is one of my personal heroes and her performance in this film is funny, delightful, and deep. Thank you to 'Obvious Child' for making us feel all the feelings meant to be felt by real live human people. I love the script for this film and think it should be nominated for best original screenplay. I was really happy the writers stayed true to the short film version and the character of Donna went through with the abortion. Films generally take it in another direction, and this point of view needed to be explored. Director Gillian Robespierre is a new feminine force in filmmaking, and if you can't tell already by my list, women are taking over!

5.  MOOD INDIGO

Michel Gondry weaves an imaginative, bittersweet story of love and the lengths of the earth we will run to in order to save the person who completes our soul. Performances by Romain Duris and Audrey Tautou are splendid, capturing that special state of mind and body we live in when we fall in love. I have been obsessed with Tautou since 'Amelie' and my mother is convinced I resemble her, which makes me so happy! In the film, her ChloƩ is diagnosed with an unusual illness caused by a flower growing in her lungs. Of course, this film lived with me on a personal level. I was pretty much crippled as I tried to walk out of the theater. However, it is beautiful and I love it. Another I'd love to create!

4. LIFE ITSELF

Thank you Roger Ebert for being you. You changed what it means to go to the movies and you made America think. And also feel. Thank you Steve James for directing this masterpiece of one brilliant man's journey. Through adversity and pain, Ebert goes on to do what matters most - watching and writing, observing and commenting. Whenever I view a classic film for the first time, I look back at Ebert's archives and read his review. 'Life Itself' is a legendary documentary about a legendary human being.

3. THE BETTER ANGELS

Even historical dramas can live as simple, poetic reflections in character and nature. This film, on the young life of Abraham Lincoln, spoke to me deeply and I helped me understand the soul within the man who changed our nation. A film full of grace. Never underestimate the beauty and simplicity in black and white filmmaking.

2. WILD

A poignant journey of life, love, loss, regret, and moving forward - one painful, heartbreaking step at a time - on the Pacific Coast Trail. I read the book by Cheryl Strayed and heavily identified with her plight. The film brought to life her struggle of redemption. I loved the intimate hand-held camera work and felt the director soulfully adapted the book. Witherspoon also gives her best performance to date - isolated, subtle, gritty, and simple. The treachery and beauty of the PCT, as well as the grief of losing a loved one, washes over the audience with grace and dignity. I also admired the editing and sound design, as well as the set decoration. Another film I so wish I would have directed!

1. THOU WAST MILD AND LOVELY

To say I wish I had made this film is a total understatement. I aspire to this level of beauty in filmmaking. Josephine Decker's bold, earthy, liberating, original style of writing and directing has taken the indie film industry by surprise. The performances given by Joe Swanberg, Sophie Traub, and especially Robert Longstreet are poetic, sensual, and thought-proving. However, my favorite aspect of the film just might be the cinematography by DP Ashley Connor. It struck my heart. I would love to work with her one day.

____________________________________________________

TOP 4 TV SHOWS

1. TRANSPARENT

2. NEW GIRL

3. TRUE DETECTIVE

4. PORTLANDIA

____________________________________________________


Jonathan's Top 14

14. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

A summer blockbuster to start off the list. And why not? It was awesome. Plus, any blockbuster that can start with a scene involving cancer and be respectful is a film that deserves my respect. The film was bold in its scope and vision, yet emotionally engaging at its core. Plus... what's that Robyn? Oh, and Chris Pratt is a hottie, she says... Wait! What?

13. WILD

Beautifully directed and edited. Reese Witherspoon at her best. The story is told with immediacy and I appreciated how much care went into every moment. It's important to note that the director was also the films editor. This is a film built around the edit and I noted several astounding moments where montage and collage were created where normally you would have exposition. A film to be studied by directors and editors.

12. STOP THE POUNDING HEART

One of the most original films this year. Part documentary, part narrative. It's impossible to know which scenes are fabricated and which are real. This is because every scene is real and honest. This film is one of many great Southern films made this year.

11. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

A film that is not at all real, but tells its fairytale story proudly. Funny, inventive and, since it is Wes Anderson, quirky. His movies just make me smile.

10. FOXCATCHER

Ignore any comments on the "bad" makeup. This is a film that is cold and still with something very heavy to say about the state of the American Dream and the men destroyed pursuing it. I am fascinated by the notion of the American Dream. Our modern society was built upon it, but somewhere along the line, the 1960's I believe, the dream became nostalgic. And now the dream is mostly found in television commercials, Norman Rockwell paintings and Branson, Missouri. The feeling of saudade, a beautiful word, is very overwhelming in this film. All three leads struggle to obtain the dream: Greatness, Glory, The Perfect Family, Dominance of Our Peers. Of course, nothing ends well and they all succumb to their own greed or ignorance and we, the audience, are left with the chants of "U.S.A.!" in our ears. Perfectly directed by Bennett Miller, a personal favorite of mine. Miller creates astounding sequences with little to no camera movement. I could learn a lot from this man.

9. NIGHT MOVES

Three environmental terrorists plan to blow up a dam for the better of the planet. Kelly Reichardt, another personal favorite, is a wonderful director and editor, I like it when director's edit their own films. She tells what could have been a mindless Hollywood thriller and presents it simply with no unnecessary fuss. Jesse Eisenberg is particularly strong as a young man thriving for good, yet seeing no alternative to his actions. I started watching this film at 4:00 in the morning and, before I knew it, it was over.

8. BIRDMAN: OR THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE

A tightrope of a film that is the best experience I've had at the movies this year. Michael Keaton is so good, as is Edward Norton and Emma Stone. A crazy story that leaves one feeling breathless and exhilarated at the same time.

7. NIGHTCRAWLER

Another profound American story that features a great performance from Jake Gyllenhaal. He's a true sociopath and dreamer. The story of a young man, a video camera and his pursuit of blood and violence for this evenings news. The depths to which he will sink to be the best is frightening, but also engaging and sadly true of our current YouTube nation.

6. UNDER THE SKIN

I love ethereal science fiction. This year, Christopher Nolan attempted it and Jonathan Glazer mastered it. The story of an alien, played wonderfully by Scarlet Johansson, on a mission never fully explained. While seducing men and turning them into empty shells of skin, she discovers empathy and pain. This is not a film for everyone. It demands a lot of its audience and requires patience and a belief that not everything needs an explanation or resolution. Like "Foxcatcher," Glazer films with a steady hand. Rarely does the camera move and I was deeply moved by the simplicity of its beauty. Again, I have a lot to learn from this man.

5. LIFE ITSELF

Roger Ebert was a lover of film and a great writer. I learned so much about life, art, humor, and my own personal aesthetic from his website. He suffered, as so many of us have, and through it all he maintained his wit. He was a modern day explorer of the human condition and he found it in films, as Robyn and I do. Steve James has made a touching portrait that never leaves Ebert's side, just as Ebert wanted it, and we are all the better for witnessing.

4. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE

There is no one cooler than Jim Jarmusch. His films are funny, enlightening and alive in ways so few films are. Here, he has made a vampire story that is not just about bloodsuckers, but a story of love, art, science, religion, and our very existence. And really, any film that can discuss the debauchery of Lord Byron, the forgotten genius of Tesla, the awesomeness of Jack White and still have time to fit in a reference to the fibonacci golden spiral is absolutely going to be in my top five. Jarmusch is a maverick filmmaker that never plays by the rules and we are all better for it.

3. THOU WAST MILD AND LOVELY

Robyn has said so much about this already, I'll just add that the wandering and wild camera work in this film must be seen. The movie plays with our expectations and, just when things feel like they are on solid ground, the story and camera veer off course and finds a barking dog. The film also features the best opening to a film this year.

2. THE BETTER ANGELS

The most critically panned film on my list. Nevertheless, I love this film. It's my personal favorite film of the year. It speaks to me and my passion for filmmaking so directly. It tells the story of my favorite president in his youth. There is no plot and no real conflict (a character might be angry, but there is never confrontation). Instead, we are given glimpses of human emotion, as seen through many eyes. We witness beauty in nature and feel how it transcends time and space and alters our state of being. It's a poem put to film, just as I like it. I've grown weary of conflict and plot. I don't wish to write about it because it bores me. I make movies about the state of being. And I realize that this makes my work only appropriate for about 1% of the population, but that's okay. Films like "The Better Angels" need an audience and that is me.

1. BOYHOOD

As I've stated earlier, I am fascinated by the American Dream and the Myths it took to form it. This is probably because I grew up during the second Bush administration, a man (despite your politics) you must admit was a firm believer in the American Dream. As a youth, I was witness to bizarre political moments (starting with Clinton/Lewinsky, going through John Ashcroft losing to a dead man in my home state, the rise of Bush Jr. and there was still time for a shooting at the hands of the Vice-President, aka Scary Dick). I also had to see so many national atrocities in my early days. From the moment I saw OJ found not guilty during my lunch break in elementary school to the fall of those beautiful towers in high school. In these moments, I was defined. What does this have to do with "Boyhood?"

There is a young filmmaker and critic by the name of Tanner Smith. He listed "Boyhood" as the best film of the last five years, and for good reason. This is a film that speaks heavily to those that still remember what it was like to grow up and eventually find ourselves. This film looks at how our identity is born and the role Pop Culture, Drugs, Sex, Our Parents, Technology, Politics, and our Socio/Economic Environment plays in our development. This film, however, is made specifically about growing up NOW: the "Obama, Rise of Facebook, Fall of Myspace (good riddance), Twitter, Whorification of Miley Cyrus, YouTube Celebrity" generation.

Does this film then hold nothing for us older gents? Of course not. Richard Linklater is a filmmaker of such skill, he has created an entire catalogue of generational films for everyone: The seventies drug fueled, non-hippies in "Dazed and Confused," the grunge nineties in "Suburbia" and "Slacker," the existential millennials in "Waking Life" (my personal favorite Linklater film), and, of course, the grandest of all is "Before Sunrise," "Before Sunset," and "Before Midnight," a trilogy of films that looks at how we so often lose ourselves somewhere in the quarter and again in the middle of life and our difficult struggles for rediscovery. The beauty of all these films is that they talk about one generation, but they speak for us all. "Boyhood" is an opus of a film that is funny, true and poignant because it reminds us of something that we always feel, but so often are afraid to say, "Time moves so damn fast." We feel our own life slipping by as we watch these characters age, and that sounds scary, but it's truly an amazing experience, one very much worth having.

For great movie reviews from a very talented young man, check out Tanner's website here: http://smithsverdict.wordpress.com/2014/08/23/boyhood-2014/

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SPECIAL MENTION (2 films made in 2013, but seen in 2014):

1. BOB BIRDNOW'S REMARKABLE TALE OF HUMAN SURVIVAL AND THE TRANSCENDENCE OF SELF

Eric Steele, in adapting his own stage play, has made one of the most tense films I have ever seen. The film is beautifully written and perfectly directed, with a style that recalls the days of Sydney Lumet and Robert Altman. The film also features two fantastic actors. First, in a great supporting role, Robert Longstreet is tough as nails and could kick the shit out of Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross. And, in the film's lead, Barry Nash delivers an astounding, layered performance. He is vulnerable in ways rarely seen on film and you find new discoveries with each new scene because of his sheer honesty. The film is not yet available, but if you can see it, you absolutely must.

2. LAST SUMMER

Wonderful southern filmmaking. Mark Thiedeman has made a heart wrenching art film that must be seen. Two young boys must come to terms with their eventual separation from one another and the struggle to find all the right words for how much they mean to one another. It's just a gorgeous love story. I knew from the very opening of the film, with it's haunting overture, that I was in the presence of a very talented filmmaker. The film is now available on Amazon and I highly recommend it.

____________________________________________________


Lastly, here is a list of films that we haven't seen, but could very easily be on our list:

Goodbye to Language
Selma
Inherent Vice
Theory of Everything
A Most Violent Year
Whipash
The Immitation Game
Mr. Turner
Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter
Love is Strange

And, Honorable Mentions:

Magic in the Moonlight
Locke
Enemy
The Lego Movie
The Immigrant
Butter on the Latch
Joe
Interstellar
It Felt Like Love
The Cold Lands
Hide Your Smiling Faces
The Skeleton Twins
The Homesman
Gone Girl
Top Five

and there are so many more, we're sure...

Thanks for reading!

Jon & Robyn







Saturday, January 3, 2015

Reverse Resolutions

After a long, joyful holiday season, we are finally home and I am slowly coming back to myself. Re-emerging back into our daily grind and preparing to go back to school. I found the holiday season to be a bit magical. As I posted here on Christmas day, I had this special feeling that all things seemed possible. This remarkable feeling made coming back to reality a little difficult. Coming home meant scheduling a new set of scans for the coming weeks and reminding myself of what has become our normal. The past few weeks were the longest period of time since this began when cancer didn't play the leading role in my mind. This lasting feeling was so so so wonderful, I cannot describe to you how much so. 

Alas, I crashed pretty hard when we arrived home. Back to reality. Back to the grind. I really hated to see 2014 go. I know it may be hard to imagine, but 2014 was a really beautiful year. Many people think and say things to us like, "you've had a tough year" or even"you've had a terrible year." And then they give you that look. You know, that look! That pitiful look. Eyebrows squished together really tight, almost to the point where you just don't know whether they're gonna cry or crap. Or both. Well, I'm here to tell you. We survived 2014. Not only that, we thrived. We laughed. Traveled. Created. GOT MARRIED! Our day to day may be hard and doctor appointment days are the worse, but it was beautiful beyond words and I am thankful. I hate to see it pass. I would hold on to it forever if I could. God, I wish I could stop time. That would be my superhero power. But like Jon tells me all the time: "Robyn, you gotta let life happen." Breathe in. Breathe out. It's a new year...

...and because it's a new year, I wanted to take a little time to ignore all those weight loss commercials and write out a few of my own goals for 2015. I call these reverse resolutions - or the opposite of the more popular, conventional declarations people make in the name of self improvement each year. I think it's really important for all of us to cut ourselves some slack. That is, unless you are a smoker, in which case you should stick to that resolution. Stop reading this blog right now and do everything you can to QUIT QUIT QUIT. And if you are a smoker slash my friend and are now reading my blog, you should surely know how I feel about smoking (I hate it with every fiber of my being) and though I'm too polite to say this in person - your smoking hurts my feelings, my loved ones, your loved ones, my future babies, your future babies, the birds, the fish, the sky, the trees, the planet, everything. I love you and stop it. 

Anyhow, I digress. Here are my reverse resolutions: 

1.) Robyn, it's OK to eat food. I mean it! A drive-thru hamburger. A big ole burrito with cheese, sour cream and everything else you can imagine. Ice Cream. Chocolate. Why, even a McRib sandwich if you want to!!! It. Is. Ok. Stop beating yourself up about every bite of food. I mean, don't eat that stuff every day. Throw in lots and lots of kale and quinoa and greens and carrots and fruit and whey. Go for a lot of walks. Maybe even throw in some yoga. But if you eat dairy, gluten, or God forbid sugar...occasionally...it will be OK. So, what if what's her face hasn't had a delicious, bubbly coca cola in over a decade? Sigh. Maybe that's why she's so bitchy! Drink a coke and chill the F out! Unless you are highly allergic to one of these things, you will NOT die. I repeat, you will NOT die. I agree, these things are not great for you in large amounts and moderation is everything. But if you even try to tell me these things cause cancer...I will go ballistic on you! If that's the case, every obese person in America and their babies would be dead dead dead.  So, Robyn, don't go wild and gain 500 pounds this year - I'd really appreciate if you didn't do that. But face the fact that you will never be Miley Cyrus thin with a thigh gap like the Grand Canyon, so just get over it. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy those waffle fries! That street vendor hot dog! An occasional bucket of KFC or that delicious DQ oreo blizzard. Don't freak out. You are going to be just fine! 


No explanation needed.

2.) Robyn, it's OK to stay in bed all day. We don't want to go making a habit out of this one either, but a day in bed is sometimes just what you need. Taking a day (or two) in bed and not changing out of your pajamas is completely acceptable, and even necessary. And it's a lot of fun! We can binge watch an entire series in bed within just a few days. This time is sacred and rejuvenates the body and soul. Oftentimes, it's like the bed is my charger and I need to stay there for a long stretch of time before I can face the world again. Laying in bed is not a waste of time - we have just been programmed to believe staying in bed is evil. In bed, you can read, educate yourself, study TV shows and movies, pray, meditate, listen to the rain, nap, and best of all: snuggle. So, don't feel guilty about this precious time. Savor it and soak up every minute of stretched out, Jeopardy marathon bliss! 


A nap after radiation.

3.) Robyn, it's OK to treat yo' self. We all know you are not on your way to being a millionaire. Sorry. Saving money is really important and so is paying back your student loans, (cringe!) but, it's okay to treat yourself to something special every now and then. That $20 sweater from Target looks really cute on you, so go ahead and splurge! Remember, anything for $20 would be like a penny to Oprah. It's all in perspective. Go ahead. Treat yo' self! Tom and Donna say it best. Watch below, and no Ben, it is not insane!




4.) Robyn, it's OK to be scared. Now, there's a feeling that is no stranger to you. I grew up scared. My mother was (is) very clingy so she was always afraid my next step was death. Lord knows I love her, but she made me scared of the weather, sharks, and the old man that sat on the corner. She also made me pretty tough, but I still get really scared. Scared to walk to my car at night and scared to speak in public. But scan results and doctor appointments and uncertainty scares me the most. Robyn, it's ok to be scared. It means you are a real live human being and because of that...

5.) Robyn, it's OK to cry. And boy are you good at it! You are famous for crying! You cried every single day in a six week acting program, even on the days your weren't in class. You cried throughout your first college undergrad class. I mean through the entire class. Two and a half hours, non-stop. Not subtle tears either. Boo Hooing. You cry through any church sermon. Doesn't matter the denomination or topic. You cry and cry and cry. At commercials, books, movies, songs, birthdays, holidays, board meetings, casual get-togethers, and more. You cry when Jon gives you that sweet, tender look with his beautiful, glorious eyes. Those are happy tears. You also cry not so happy tears when someone looks at you the wrong way or with disappointment. You cry through happiness, sadness, anger, ecstasy, horror, etc. And now, I'm declaring it cool. It's ok to cry! Even in public. People say hiding your tears is brave. I say, screw that! If someone is mean to you and hurts your feelings, cry all over their ugly face and let them know your tears are bold and beautiful! If you are walking down the street and a certain reflection of sunlight beaming through a cloud strikes you as hauntingly beautiful...go ahead: cry! An acting teacher once told my class he wouldn't put up with "pretty tears." He wanted to see the raw, gut wrenching painful crocodile tears behind the mask we put on each day. So, Robyn, go for it. It's your life and you can cry if you want to. 

6.) Robyn, it's OK to not wear makeup. Or to wear makeup. Either way, you are pretty just the same and it's 2015 and you're a feminist and come on...really? 


You without makeup.

7.) Robyn, it's OK to forgive yourself. And let go. I'm having a really hard time with this one right now. I am really hard on myself and, for some reason, I think I can take on the world. Robyn, you are not Wonder Woman and that's okay because that uniform looks really uncomfortable. I wish I had more money to take care of my mother and aunt back home. I always promised I would take care of them. My mama is doing really well right now. She looks so beautiful in the photo below. I curled her hair and, to me, she looks like Laura Dern. Her cheekbones are so pretty and the smile on her face is lovely. My wonderful, tender, gorgeous, perfect Aunt Joyce, however, is not doing very well. While I was home, I asked for her forgiveness. To forgive me for not being able to take care of her the way I promised I would. The way she took care of me when I was a little girl. She looked at me with a kind smile and we both cried. This life can be cruel and sometimes we run out of time here. It runs right through our fingers before we can make a drastic change and, Robyn, you have to become okay with that. And let go of some of those big dreams you had. They are yours and they are precious and all your do-good ideas come from a tender place. But they cannot all come true. But, if you are ever feeling down about the things you cannot change, look into the faces of these beautiful, strong women (who will probably kill you for posting pictures of them on the internet) and know that you are the tender, kind, funny, quirky, intelligent, empathetic, compassionate woman you are today because of them and how they raised you. 


Beautiful Mother.


Beautiful Aunt.

8.) Robyn, it's OK to question religion. Respect the spiritual journey you are on. Understand when others do not understand you, because they have not been through the things you have been through. Know that your Creator loves you no matter what and is totally OK with you taking time to figure things out for yourself. 

9.) Robyn, it's OK to find beauty in pain. Sigh. Another tough one. You can Facebook stalk people for days and see their brand new cars and homes and babies, but their life will not be yours. One thing we can all agree on is you've had a lot of pain in your life. It's OK to find purpose in that pain. Deep down, you know you're a good writer and potentially a good filmmaker, and I know you would secretly trade that ability in a heart beat to have a more mundane job, babies, and absolutely 100% no cancer, but you do not possess this ability. It's OK to be creative. It's OK to be good at it. It's OK to enjoy it. 

The world is a crazy, beautiful, ugly complicated place, and it keeps moving on from crisis to strangeness to beauty to weirdness to tragedy. The caravan keeps moving on, and the job of the longform writer or filmmaker or radio broadcaster is to stop - is to pause - and when the caravan goes away, that's when this stuff comes. - David Remnick

10.) Finally, Robyn, it's OK to be hopeful. Because miracles do happen, they already have, and why not?

Love, 
Yourself