Monday, April 27, 2015

In Response.

This is a really hard post to write, but it is necessary to update you all on our journey. We've received so many messages from all of our many wonderful friends and family asking about our current situation, so I thought this would be an easy way to update you all.

As many of you know, two weeks ago we received good news in that the cancer was stable in the chest. Last week, in a routine MRI we found out that the cancer is progressing in the brain. Due to this, we will undergo a second round of whole brain radiation in the next two weeks with pinpoint radiation to the lesions that are growing. This should control them and stabilize the brain. In addition, we are looking into clinical trials for the next drug therapy that can help us manage the cancer both in the chest and break the blood-brain barrier. Specifically, there are two trials of drugs not yet FDA approved which are said to be excellent at getting into the brain -- even more so than the drug he is currently on. Thank you for your many prayers and messages of love and light. We need them as we begin this journey once again. The hope and prayer is that we will undergo new treatment and transition to a new drug which will have Jon feeling as good and healthy as he has been over the last year. Please know that I mean it when I say we couldn't do it without your love and support. Just a simple "like" on Facebook or word of encouragement helps us face such a challenge. I may not respond in a timely fashion, but know that it means the world to us. If you happen to see us in person, a big hug helps. Then, treat us like normal. Make us smile and laugh. Don't feel sorry for us, just be with us. That is the best medicine on how to deal with us dealing with this.

When you take everything into consideration, Jon continues to feel well and we are both handling this relatively well. Activities and creativity continue to keep our souls engaged. He is working on a few videos, as well as a feature screenplay titled "Cottonmouth" and it is so, so very good! I am in the final week of rehearsal for "Our Town" with the show going up this weekend. Any artistic act is a chance to get our minds off of the dreaded cancer and we soak up every minute of it. I am contemplating whether or not I can handle the rest of my quarter of school, but have not yet made a decision about whether or not to withdraw. I'm going to have to play that one by ear. I'm sure, either way, it will work out just fine.

Otherwise, Jon and I are just loving on each other and mostly succeeding at going about our lives as normal as possible. We have so much love and it only grows with each struggle we face. Life is too short, no matter what you are facing. At the end of "Our Town," my character Emily looks at the Stage Manager and asks, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?" I may not be a poet or a saint, but I have to say that yes. Emily, I do. It's hard to ever really grasp life, maybe because you cannot truly hold it in your arms. It is far too intangible. The moments cannot be held down or frozen, with ease and grace they slip through your fingers. But I do realize life. I realize how precious. How fleeting. How absolutely lovely it all is. And utterly bittersweet. Cancer is painful. But life and love are more powerful, beautiful, and infinitely glorious.

Grab someone you love and hug them tight tonight.

Love,
Robyn

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Holding On!

Life has been flying by these days... faster than I can keep up with. This time yesterday I was sitting in a meeting with Academy Award-winning screenwriter Geoffrey Fletcher discussing my feature screenplay Nobody's Darlings and today we are getting ready to head to Emory for a brain MRI and check up. I'm trying my very best to hold on for this crazy ride and make the most of this time, but sometimes... it all becomes very overwhelming. I am very thankful for the many opportunities that have come my way and I am praying we receive good results today. I am also looking forward to taking a break soon and getting some serious R&R!

Getting the opportunity to share Nobody's Darlings with Mr. Fletcher was an incredible honor. Having someone of his prestige read your script is very surreal and unbelievable. He gave me wonderful notes and I look forward to tackling my second draft very soon. I found myself bragging to him about two things: 1) About how my husband is so smart, owns every movie, and could hold his own in any film history conversation, even with the biggest film buffs - like Martin Scorsese. I love to brag about Jon, but y'all know that! And 2) Before I even knew what was happening, I started telling him to watch out for talent coming out of Atlanta - in particularly for female directors! I have so many friends who are on the brink of their first features and I am so excited for them! I have an upcoming date with a group of female filmmakers where we are all going to chat about our screenplays and discuss upcoming projects. I am so honored to be a part of this group and I can't wait to see all of my friends and fellow peers grow and flourish in their art. It's a very exciting time! I'm thankful to be in Atlanta and to be a part of exciting things happening at SCAD. A big thank you to all my professors who helped make this happen. I am beyond grateful and could never thank you enough!

I'm trying to keep my head on and tackle midterms and while all this is going on, so are rehearsals for Chatt Hills Community Theater's production of Our Town. I am having the best time working with my wonderful neighbors and friends in bringing this beautiful play to life! We are about one week from opening night and everyone has worked so very hard. Again, being a part of this is an absolute honor and I will post photos very soon! As I move away from theater and more into my path as a filmmaker, I feel this is the best little farewell I could give myself. I don't feel that theater is my path, but I will always hold a very special place in my heart for being on stage. With that being said, if I ever had the opportunity to play any character in a Tennessee Williams play... I'd probably still do it!

Lastly, as I mentioned before, today is a doctor day. These days are terrible and writing before heading to the hospital is definitely helpful. Jon is feeling well, but these appointments are always nerve-wracking and I always get terrified of what the scans may show. I don't want to live my life in fear. In all the chaos, I'm trying to just breathe and pray. I am thankful for the support we have from so many. I'm excited about a new campaign sponsored by LUNGevity and will post about it next. Many in our lung cancer community are thriving and more research is bringing about new clinical trials and medication. Please continue to keep all of these wonderful people in your thoughts and prayers!

I'll close out now and get back on the roller coaster! In about week, when Our Town goes up and midterms are over, I'll have a chance to breathe and take a step back. Thanks to all of our many friends and family members who keep us sane. We love you all! And just putting it out there... if anyone wants to come clean our apartment, you are absolutely welcome!!! And this is minor, but it's that time of the year again and Harper is shedding like a mad dog. She scratches like crazy night and day. If you have any home remedies for itchy pet in hot weather, please send along!



Love to you all, 
Robyn



Monday, April 13, 2015

Silver Linings

Today, I asked Facebook friends and family to send love, prayers and positive vibes our way. I know we are on many people's minds and hearts all the time, but as we face the challenges of a results day... it really, really helps me to read the comments and see the likes. This outpouring and reminder of the incredible support we have helps me get through the day and be as strong as I can. So, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm sending you a hug and love right now.

I'm very, very happy to report that the scans are stable! Thankfully! Wonderful news!!! A lymph node is progressively getting larger, but overall, everything looks good and we will remain on the current treatment therapy for a while longer. We'll check the brain on April 23 to see what's going on there. If nothing, and as long as Jon feels good and is symptom free, we will go until the beginning of July until our next scans. Radiation and chemo are tools we can bring in if we need, plus there are several different clinical trials and drugs on the verge of FDA approval which we can try when the time comes. We are so incredibly blessed and thankful for this medication, our doctors, and all of our many loved ones.

Last time we got good results, we were both ecstatic with happiness. It was a good day. We got good results today, but it was harder. Please do not get me wrong, we are thankful and so very happy. But, this type of journey wears you down emotionally. The anxiety building up to the appointment this morning was intense. I can't believe we've had such good results for so long, so I felt like the good news wouldn't go on. I get very fearful, as anyone would and so many do who face the challenge of cancer. Afterwards, I needed to disappear for a little while so forgive me if I haven't answered any messages or calls. I will. I love and need you to check on me. I just needed some time alone to sort things out. Remember, one of my very first blog posts was about the very real issue of depression among caregivers. Things have gone so well lately. I want to go into that office and for the doctor to say we've been cured and to go on our way. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen. This is a chronic disease we need to manage. I've mostly been having great days emotionally, but reminders of our past experiences sometime creep in and I get scared about the future. I know you all understand. I just hope by me being so open and honest, it helps other patients and caregivers deal with some of their own depression. Know that you are not in this alone, no matter how lonely you may feel.

Further, I've been digging around for information about fertility. I wonder if it is ever possible for us to have children. The more information I gather, the worse it looks. Cancer medications are really strong and could lead to severe deformity and an unhealthy baby. I certainly don't want that. I've also been dealing with some of my own health issues concerning this over the course of a few months.  Without going into too much detail, the fact is it just doesn't look good. This makes me very sad and I am having a very hard time coming to terms with this. I want to think optimistic and I'll continue to do so. Something could work out in the future. But for now, I need to put this desire in my back pocket for a little bit and learn to be okay if it doesn't happen. If there is anybody reading this, a close friend, acquaintance, or even someone I don't know, who has faced a similar issue or chosen not to have children, I'd really love to hear any words of encouragement you may have. Please write to me personally or leave a comment for me to reach out.

No matter what you're dealing with, it's always good to focus on the silver linings in your life. Our world has been quite wonderful lately and extremely busy. I'm still plugging away at grad school and submitting my feature screenplay Nobody's Darlings into screenplay competitions and labs. Jon is working on his feature screenplay entitled Cottonmouth, as well as a little editing work here and there. We premiered Nirvana: a short film about cancer this weekend at the Ozark Foothills FilmFest in Batesville, AR. It was an incredible experience and we got to catch up with old friends. Making the festival and road trip experience a billion times better was our dear friend and oh so talented filmmaker, Jen West riding along! We laughed and made many wonderful memories!

Nirvana will be shown in Chatt Hills/Serenbe where it was filmed on May 29 for a private screening for cast, crew, donors, Serenbe residents and a few ATL industry members and friends. The film is really beautiful and poetic and I have so enjoyed the process of watching Jon create from such a raw, honest place. I am really looking forward to sharing it soon. The film's composer (and our superhero friend) Anthony Johnson and The Mosley's will be there to provide music beforehand. It'll be a wonderful, special night!

I'm also in a production of Our Town playing Emily with two performances, May 1 and 2, as part of the Chatt Hills Community Theater. It's been fun to get back into theater a little and work with incredibly talented neighbors and friends along the way. I've always wanted to play the role, so it is nice to see this dream fulfilled! Reach out if you're interested in tickets.

That's about it! We've been happy, healthy, and busy! Thanks again for the prayers, love, and (as Jen and James would say) all the POSI vibes!!!

We love you all!

Ozark Foothills with Jen and founders Bob & Judy Pest! We love them!!!

Before our screening + Q&A of Nirvana and Jen's Little Cabbage!


Spontaneous poetry in Memphis at Burke's Books. I loved this! They have a typewriter and a desk available for you to sit down and write what's on your mind. I wrote a tiny love poem for my Jon. 

Incredible brunch on the way home at Memphis' Celtic Crossing! PLUS we got to visit with the amazing and talented Brighid Wheeler. We first met Brighid at 2013's Indie Memphis Film Festival. It was great to see her! I love having friends in different cities who you can meet up with spontaneously when you're traveling through. Also, do you see the gold necklace she is wearing? Her girlfriend gave it to her and it has the coordinates of where they met engraved in it. How sweet and beautiful!!!

Opening May 1 for two nights only! :)

Have a beautiful week,
Robyn