She's (Not) All That! But She Will Be...

"My soul is an island, my car is a Ford." - M. Night Shyamalan

When Jon told me at 1am last night that he had never seen "She's All That," I just couldn't let it go. I insisted that we stay up and watch this little slice of 90s heaven. Watching a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie with Jon in the delirium of the early morning hours is like sitting in your own Mystery Science Theater screening and also pure joy. His commentary had me rolling on the floor as we struggled to analyze the dramatic structure of this masterpiece and as he grappled to rationalize the probability of the plot. (Really? Freddie's character got into to Dartmouth and HARVARD? He was only 4th in his class) (Jon also pointed out the amazing Alexis Arquette in "be silent, be still) As many of you may know, it was written by one R. Lee Fleming Jr. (aka M. Night Shyamalan). For the record, there are no dead people in this movie.

FYI: 

After our hilarious viewing, we started chatting about our individual high school adventures. I was not like Laney Boggs. I never felt like Julia Roberts at the end of Pretty Woman. I had only one high school boyfriend and considering his tall stature (6'3) - I allow myself to count it as two. So, I had two serious high school boyfriends and the rest were a string of one time dates and crushes that were never reciprocated. I felt as disgusting in high school as Paul Walker claims Laney to be. ("Check out the bobos on super freak") Looking back, I don't know what I thought was so bad. I hope watching this film at a young age didn't scar me for life, but I think it did. Laney is totally a fine, normal, functioning human being. Actually, she's beautiful and talented and far better than the others in the movie. Yet, we are all lead to believe that under those overalls, she is this horrific, nasty, ugly, alien beast of a creature. Hmm. All those guys I had a crush on in high school should have felt honored to take me to Old Mexico.

Me in high school (For the record, I would have dated me...)

Going through the string of boys from my past, I'm very surprised by how many of them turned out. I have a track record of three drug addicts, one emo goth kid who hung out under a tree, and one (who Jon loves to remind me) was on the verge of statutory rape (because of the age difference and not because of something that happened). Wow. Pretty tragic. And then I met Jon.

I don't know if this is because there is a severe lack of descent men in this world, if I'm a magnet for assholes, or if I had to experience these horrible things in order to appreciate what God and the Universe had waiting for me. Nevertheless, I barely think of these bad experiences anymore. For good reason. But watching "She's All That" definitely took me back.

In my senior year of high school, I started dating a jock (jerk) from a school in a nearby town. He was kind of a legend at my high school, as every girl knew him and wanted to date him. And, for a moment, he chose me! I must say I took pretty desperate measures to get a date with him. We met at some newspaper function - I was getting an award in drama and he in basketball. There was no chance in hell I would ever see him again. When I heard he had just broken up with his longtime girlfriend, I took it upon myself (in my total and complete nerdiness and per the suggestion of my Aunt Joyce) to cut out his photo in the newspaper, laminate it, and send it to him in the mail. You must understand, this was long before the days of Facebook, texting, and instant gratification. He lived several towns over. How else would I reach out to him? How desperate must one be? We went on two dates and I was in love, or so I thought. Bleck! Then, on a weekday afternoon, my cousin invited me to the movies. I really wanted to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She was seeing something else, so I saw it by myself with a jumbo sized popcorn, extra large coke and twizzlers. I was alone in the theater except for this really stupid couple who came in late and talked the whole time. Show some respect for what would soon become Brangelina, please!!! We were witnessing history in the making! I almost threw popcorn on them, but I was too busy laughing my annoying guttural cackle and stuffing popcorn in my mouth. The credits rolled. On a high, I bubbled out the theater. I was feeling charitable, so I held the door open for the annoying couple walking behind me. As I did so, I turned, only to discover the annoying couple was in fact jock-jerk with that long time girlfriend whom he probably never broke up with. Frozen, I kept holding the door. Upon seeing me, he smiled and put his hand on his girlfriend's back as she walked past. Just to make his point, I guess. Then, in the ultimate asshole move of the century, he stopped, grabbed my elbow, gave it a squeeze, and shot me a smile and a wink. What. The. Fuck?

That was the end of that. He went on to bottom out in college, or so I've heard. Who really knows? But after my beauty shop aunt overheard he tried to pull a R.Kelly on a later girlfriend, I was very, very thankful it did not work out or go any further. Although I was heartbroken then, I have an incredible war story to tell and went on to find a true, loving gentlemen of a man. It just shows you not to give up and to keep on keeping on. Your Prince Charming might just be out there. Waiting for the perfect moment to introduce himself. And when that happens, all those duds become a distant, hilarious, painless memory.

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Robyn

A Rich Little Poor Girl

You could never say that I've "had money." For me, money comes into my life and then out. It's not something I have ever gotten to hold on to. Not yet. Throughout periods of my life, my family would either be okay or not so okay. We never went without food - for that, I am thankful. Being raised by a single parent was tough. Sometimes, because my mother needed someone to talk to, I knew too much about our financial situation. I knew this time of year was going to be lean because taxes had to be paid. I knew when bill collectors were calling. I knew when there just wasn't enough.

My mother did all in her power to make sure our basic needs were met. She worked harder than any man I've ever known. She took on jobs she hated. She took on jobs that many might be ashamed of. She worked all the time. All of my friends seemed to have money. And nice houses, cars, etc. They also had two working parents. I can't say I was never embarrassed by my mother driving the school bus or the fact that we lived in a trailer - but I can say that my mother dropped everything to take care of a baby that maybe was not so much planned - and for that, I am, again, thankful.

With all that being said, I never went without. My aunt always made sure I was dressed in the nicest clothes. She and my uncle made sure I traveled and got out of my small hometown. My older cousins bought me diamond earrings for my 16th birthday and tickets to see NSYNC when they came to Atlanta. (My 13 year old fantasy come true!) Raising me was truly a group effort made by many. A modern family. Thinking of the sacrifices made by so many brings me to tears. Because of them, I felt I could get into and pay for the college of my dreams. I even had the audacity to declare my major in theater and acting. (Holy crap!) Nevertheless, they taught me to never let anything, certainly not money, hold me back.

Jon and I struggle, like most people our age, I'm sure. We've both come a very long way. Somehow, we have managed to balance rent, bills, student loans, medical bills, and more - all in our 20s. Some months better than others. Even more shocking, we've continued to work toward our goal, our dream, of filmmaking. You strive and work so hard for this dream - and though you may feel like you work 24/7 - your finances certainly do not reflect it. We work in an industry where people don't want to pay you for your endeavors until you have "proven" yourself - something we're striving to do every day. On top of that, we've crowd funded two short films. Insane! It has to be easier for an artist who comes from money. It has to take some of the stress away, at least in the early years. When I reflect on what we've accomplished, the highs and the lows, and what what we're working toward, I am really amazed that we've done it all with so little. Cancer was and most certainly is an un-welcomed guest at our party. And it definitely has not made our financial situation any easier. But, the fact that we've done it feels empowering. The fact that our love has only gotten stronger, makes it even more so.

Random thoughts on a cold day - as I sit here struggling to write my feature screenplay about another rich little poor girl - maybe I could one day establish an organization where all the poor little girls and boys in the world can feel the riches and blesses I have so generously been given. Money really is trivial. Extremely necessary and it does make life 100 times easier. But - it certainly cannot buy you happiness. And because of that, this rich little poor girl wouldn't trade her experience for all the money in the world.

Stay warm,
Robyn

Happy Valentine's Day Film Picks

You are not going to find any 'Fifty Shades of Grey' talk from me. Frankly, I don't care. Why? I'm just not a fan of bad storytelling. From what I gather - the book is cheesy and the movie looks terrible. Also, I am just not the S&M fantasy type. Nope. Nope. And nope. What do I like? Good ole fashion romance! Remember that?

I knew I was in love with Jon when the two of us as a couple began reminding me of my grandparents. Little moments of watching Late Night TV, going for Sunday drives, and walking down the street hand in hand. Just those simple moments of togetherness made our love feel as timeless as Stonehenge. No beginning and no end. Eternal.

As a storyteller, I love honesty. Raw, deep, awkward, authentic, passionate truth. Therefore, I will offer you my top picks for the best Valentine's Day film picks. Some are fun. Some are real. All are incredibly well done films to which I aspire. I tried to pick a few obvious ones and a few more obscure choices. Jon helped me craft the list - as I get his input on everything! Hope you enjoy!

1. Bonnie and Clyde

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

3. Brokeback Mountain

4. Valentine's Day

5. All the Real Girls

6. Lost in Translation

7. Harold and Maude

8. Badlands

9. Sabrina

10. Lars and the Real Girl

11. Grey Gardens (Mother/Daughter Love)

12. Moonrise Kingdom (Puppy Love)

13. Le quai des brumes (Port of Shadows)

14. Her

15. The Romantics

16. Modern Times

17. Manhattan

18. Punch Drunk Love

19. Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight

20. Only Lovers Left Alive

21. Moonstruck

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NETFLIX Picks: Here's a list of wonderful V-Day episodes of some of our favorite shows. PS: I endorse 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The Office, Arrested Development, Friends, Buffy, and That 70s Show. (I'm sorry How I Met Your Mother - you scorned me and I can never watch any episode of you again. This fact is very sad but it's all your fault.)

NETFLIX PICKS HERE

Happy Valentine's Day! 

Love, 

Robyn

AJC Article - New Targeted Cancer Treatments Hold Promise

Our story was recently featured on the front page of the Atlanta Journal Constitution Living Section. Please share to help spread awareness about lung cancer and the need for molecular testing, more advanced research and funding new therapies. A big thank you to the AJC, the lovely Helena Oliviero, and - as always - Dr. Ramalingam and the wonderful team at Winship Cancer Institute - Emory. 

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New targeted cancer treatments hold promise

Posted: 1:36 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 5, 2015

By Helena Oliviero - The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Photo Credit: Minnette Hand Photography

Atlanta filmmaker Jon Hicks was just 28 years old when diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.

A nonsmoker, Hicks lived a healthy lifestyle and worked at an organic grocery store in Serenbe while completing a short film, “Picture Show,” about an elderly couple trying to recapture the romance of their youth.

Meanwhile, Hicks was getting ready to propose to his longtime girlfriend, Robyn. After the diagnosis, his future looked bleak — but not for long.

Through genetic testing of Hicks’ cancer cells, doctors were able to identify a mutation (the ALK gene mutation) in the cancer cells, and then provide a targeted treatment in the form of daily capsules.

This individualized treatment plan dramatically changed his prognosis and even redefines what it means to be diagnosed with advanced, stage 4 lung cancer.

In the summer of 2013, he went from feeling weak and having trouble breathing to going on hikes and feeling good within just a few days of taking the medication.

Now, Hicks, who experiences minimal side effects from the medication, feels well enough to work full time as a filmmaker. He and Robyn exchanged vows, and the two of them recently finished “Nirvana,” a short film about living with cancer.

("Nirvana" is scheduled to be shown in Serenbe at a short film festival in late spring).

Jon, now 29, and Robyn, 27, are talking about starting a family.

Over time, Hicks’ body will likely build resistance to the treatment, and he will need a new regimen to control the cancer cells. For now, he is at the cutting edge of advances in medicine, and has reason to hope he has many years ahead of him.

“As long as we can keep cancer two or three steps behind the research and breakthroughs, we can look forward to our future,” said Robyn Hicks.

This is the kind of treatment the Obama administration is hoping to build and support. President Barack Obama is asking Congress for $215 million to fund the Precision Medicine Initiative, which includes $70 million to the National Cancer Institute to scale up efforts to identify genomic drivers in cancer and develop more effective approaches to cancer treatment. The proposal is expected to garner bipartisan support.

With precision medicine, scientists can look deeper within a cancer cell to determine what went wrong, and how to interfere with a series of events that lead to cancer growth.

“When somebody has a driver mutation, it acts as a switch that turns key signals the cancer needs to grow, and targeted therapy works by being a circuit breaker,” said Dr. Suresh Ramalingam, professor of hematology and medical oncology and a lung oncology expert at Emory University’s Winship Cancer Institute.

Many major centers, like the Winship Cancer Institute, Piedmont Hospital, Northside Hospital and Georgia Cancer Specialists, now routinely send a patient’s sample for a molecular screening panel that looks for tumor mutations. Certain gene mutations are known to drive cancer growth, cause drug resistance or susceptibility, or are currently under investigation as therapeutic targets in clinical trials, so the results of those tests can help doctors create an individualized treatment plan.

There are only a handful of genetic changes that can be targeted, but doctors are working on identifying more genetic changes and tailoring treatments.

As researchers learn more about the gene changes in cells that cause cancer, targeted drugs have been developed for other cancers besides lung cancer including melanoma and breast cancer. For example, with breast cancer, a drug to target a specific growth-promoting protein known as HER2 is now available.

Dr. Rodolfo Bordoni, medical oncologist with Georgia Cancer Specialists (affiliated with Northside Hospital), said the goal is not to try to cure the cancer of patients with advanced stages of the disease, but to keep it at bay and control it like a chronic disease such as diabetes.

Less than a decade ago, doctors had no choice but to give a patient with stage 4 lung cancer the grim diagnosis of three to nine months. They now tell many of their patients to expect years, even many years of survival.

“This is something we couldn’t even have imagined 10 years ago,” said Ramalingam, whose patients call him “Dr. Ram.”

Norman Pease, of Sandy Springs, was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer three years ago. He was 66, a nonsmoker. His tumor biopsy was sent to a lab for genetic testing, but no targeted treatment was yet available. Chemotherapy wasn’t effective, and by late 2013, it was clear he needed a new treatment plan. So he went to see Dr. Ram, who told him he was just in time to qualify for a clinical trial at Emory’s Winship for a new therapy targeting his genetic mutation. He’s been taking the medication for over a year and says, “Nobody would know I was sick.”

Still, Pease was hesitant to book a trip to Alaska a year ago. His wife, Sidney, insisted they plan the Alaskan cruise. They went on the trip in July, and they are now planning their next trip.

“My wife talked me into it, which was really good. It was an extremely nice trip and now we are thinking about our next trip.”

Let Go

Do I deserve this?

I'm not talking about cancer in our life.

I'm actually talking about happiness.

We've had a period of time, a good chunk of time, where things have been really, really wonderful. Don't misunderstand me, I am so thankful for this period. But as wonderful things happen or as happiness becomes more of a norm, I can't help but ask whether or not I deserve it.

This may sound completely crazy, or totally normal for those of you with similar mental instabilities, but I can easily fall into the role of victim. For whatever reason, I can easily accept the idea that I deserve horrible things. I know this is essentially a form of self mutilation, but I am being completely honest. I know, deep down, nobody deserves cancer. Nobody deserves a spouse with cancer. Nobody deserves that pain. But, I can easily go to that place of thinking that maybe I have done something to deserve it. Maybe I'm being punished.

What I have a harder time accepting is happiness in my life. I think many others feel the same. Suddenly, you look around and things are good. Great in fact. I'm writing during the day, attending class, collaborating with Jon on projects we've always wanted to do, and rehearsing a play at night. And you instantly become nervous. Anxious. Constantly looking over your shoulder or checking corners - wondering when that horrible, terrible no good bad news is going to pop out and attack. I'm a scream queen living in the endless suspense of a slasher flick right before the killer pops out with a kitchen knife. You just know it's coming, but you don't know when.

The past few weeks have been rather delightful. For the first time in a long time, I am beginning to set long term career goals for myself. And that's scary. I have numerous projects in the works - a feature screenplay, two short films, a television pilot, etc - and I have started to dream a little bit bigger. My school held a television festival this past weekend. I got to sit in and pick a Senior VP of television programming's brain and listen to the talented, smart, funny writers of one of my favorite tv shows, The Mindy Project. Before I could stop myself, I started thinking of ways to get a job on a tv show, figuring out how to snag an agent, and seeing myself living the life of a successful writer.

As these thoughts were running rampant in my mind, I choked when I remembered cancer. Jon is doing very well, but I fear the moment cancer may rear it's ugly head in our lives. It's a gigantic hurtle for two twenty somethings to face. I called Jon in the middle of Atlanta traffic. I was experiencing a terrible panic attack on my way to an event. "I'm not good enough. I don't deserve this. I can't think of such frivolous things as writing. What about cancer? What if I'm not ready? What is going to happen? Oh no."

At my age, there's never enough time. Maybe this is how people of all ages feel. I hope it gets better. But when my ambitious self kicks in, I just feel like I'm running out of time and I forget to simply be. I want to have a baby, I want a nice house, I want to spend time with Jon, I want to make sure his goals are achieved, I want to finish school, I want to get a good job, I want to direct a feature film, I want to be a writer's assistant and work my way up, etc, etc, etc.

We live from scan to scan. We have scan results on Thursday and although Jon is feeling and looking great, we're nervous as to what news we receive. Is all well? Can he stay on this medicine? Can we keep this happiness trend going? Or will our world turn upside down? Will he need a clinical trial? A second opinion? Radiation? Chemo? How fast does this have to happen? And on and on.

The truth is, there is no answer to end these issues. All I can do is pray. Breathe. And if at all possible, let go. Yes. Let go. Let go of cancer free. Let go of 100% remission and no more scans. Let go of getting all As. Let go of having a great job that I love, a good salary, and health insurance. Let go of that nice house. Let go of needing a healthy newborn baby right this very minute. Let go of living in Hollywood as a writer's assistant. Let go of being an accomplished director at the age of 27. Just let go. And see what happens. Not only that, but trust that whatever happens will be okay.

That's really hard to do.

Tough Titty (& my writings)

Expressing yourself as a writer can sometimes be very difficult. Sometimes, a huge block, stands between you and actually typing the thoughts and feelings all stored up inside. The case is especially true when you begin to write a story that has been with you for a long time. Or when a very large part of yourself is essential to that story. You feel like you're exposing your insides, and sometimes, that is a very hard and scary thing to do. Even sharing it with yourself can be difficult. I write and I really love it, then I have to read it in class. I might as well be butt naked.

My mother is a strong woman. Growing up, I felt she was harsh. Not in her discipline, just that she had a very hard exterior. She had a thick skin. She was kind of a badass. Way more than I have ever been. She doesn't divulge all the scandalous details, but I just know she got into a lot of trouble and broke a lot of rules. I remember crying over something or another, as a child and her advise to me was this: "Tough Titty, but the Milk's Still Good." I don't know if this is a saying often shared, a Southern thing, or something my mother just totally made up in her colorful way of wording - but I get it. It resonates. Life is really, really hard and sometimes it sucks and sometimes I wish I'd never been born - but then something really incredible and wonderful and spectacular will happen and my faith in life will be restored. I'll feel grateful to living this f%#@'d up life because I experienced something truly beautiful. And human.

I take this advice into my writing as well. It's tough and not for everyone. Robyn, some people will HATE what you write about. Or they'll feign interest like, "Oh yeah, I like that part." But one day or another, the milk's gonna come along and it's gonna be sweet. If you keep on at it, someone will love it. Need it. Understand. And as long as you have one person - and that person could be a loved one or even yourself - then the act of creation is worth doing.

Graduate school is also an excellent excuse to put an end to procrastination because if you don't write, you literally fail. Now that I'm back in school, actively writing and pursuing my goals, I feel like I'm part of something. I have more in common with Jon. I can talk to him on a new level. I watch hours and hours of interviews with writers and filmmakers I admire and I literally feel myself jumping out of my seat screaming, "YES! I want to do THAT!"

So, with all that in mind. I will officially introduce the two projects I am currently writing. Any advice or thoughts, like "that sounds interesting" or "nope, that sounds like crap" or any comment would be very appreciated. :) Okay, please don't tell me if you think it's crap, you can keep that one to yourself, but I'd love for any advice or encouragement would be nice. But only if you feel compelled. Okay, I'm going to stop now. :)

MOTHER MARY & HER YOUNG

A young, single mother of two struggles to prepare her children to meet their estranged father. A short film I would love to direct over spring break (so in like 6 weeks)!!!

Still from Lynne Ramsay's 1998 Short Film GASMAN

Inspirational Song: Carry On by The Mosley's

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NOBODY'S DARLINGS

A recent college graduate is forced to move back to her small hometown and take up prostitution in order to get out of debt and escape to the big city. 

I hope this will be my very first feature film. I've carried it with me for years now and I truly, truly hope I get the opportunity to direct it one day. I have so many ideas for this film. I think it will be wonderfully weird and honest and heart-wrenching. Here's a few images that consume me when I write:

 

             

             

                     

 Still from an all time favorite film All the Real Girls

             

  Still from an all time favorite film Badlands

   

Inspirational Song: Nobody's Darling by Lucero

Love,

Robyn